this has been on my mind a lot lately. 
that fact that God has given me grace even though it is the last thing i deserve. 

every day i fail..... over and over and over again. 

this really bothered me for the longest time. why should God love me if all i do is mess up? why should i receive his grace? what have i done? yes, i know, we do not receive God's love and grace by works, but i still wonder.

i struggled with the fact that i was messing up and failing at being a disciple of Christ. i still am. i reached a point in my life where i thought i would never be able to be good enough to be a disciple of God. i was struggling spiritually and i was lost.

my life continued like this for a while but,

it all changed when i decided to join young life. i had always heard about young life and i have always thought it seemed interesting. i didn't pursue anything for the longest time because quite honestly i didn't feel like it and i was always beyond busy. at the start of this school year i just up and decided to be a leader. i couldn't tell you exactly why and i couldn't give a specific reason. i just did it. i felt called to do it. in joining young life we are required to do training before we start. in training we were given a book to read called "The Master Plan of Evangelism" by Robert E. Coleman. we are given weekly assignments to read certain chapters of the book. 

{reading this book is what has completely changed my mindset.}

"by any standard of sophisticated culture then and now they would surely be considered as rather ragged collection of souls. one might wonder how Jesus could ever use them." - The Master Plan of Evangelism

this whole thought. wow. this opened my eyes to the truth. this book has been amazing. this book has made me realize that even though i am never going to be perfect i can still be a disciple of Christ. Jesus did not go out and pick the best of the best. he picked the ones who people would normally look over. he picked people like me! Jesus chose the common men that many thought couldn't change the world.

wow.

had i been wrong. why did i ever think i was not good enough to be a disciple of Christ. i was completely wrong. i was perfect to be a disciple of Christ. i just had to put my whole heart into had "get my feet dusty again". i need to put my whole heart into this and intentionally live my life for Christ. it isn't going to be easy and the journey will be long, but just think about the end. think about how glorious it will be. ahh how wonderful.

jumping head into this journey once and for all will be the best thing of my life and the hardest. i am so thankful and blessed to be filled with God's undeserving grace and love. 

God's amazing grace. how wonderful it is. 

never think you are not good enough, never again think you can't do it.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast."  ~Ephesians 2:8-9 
 


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